Carpe Jugulum
By Sir Terry Pratchett
Hello, fellow review readers. At the invitation of our illustrious retired Teufelhund reviewer, I'm here adding my own little addition to this year's Fangsgiving. As for introductions, for now we'll go with my chosen nomme de plume, Gary T. Stevens. I have been mentioned before as the primary author of the Breach of Faith novels, of which three have been reviewed on this blog. If you're already wondering about my sporadic, arguably pretentious, use of fancy non-English terms, it's part of my style and feeds my vanity (Vanity is counter-revolutionary, especially French language vanity. You must be purged by the Khmer Rouge.[I'd be careful invoking that lot, given their attitudes towards people with academic learning :-P] If I were in Revolutionary Kampuchea, my doctorate would be the least of my concerns.[Touchè]), but I will try to dispense with it for the rest of this review. I also ask for your patience; it has been many a year since I wrote something in this vein, so I won't be as concise and insightful as Garvin would be.
I admit I almost turned this down because I'm not much of a classical horror fan. By volume my primary experience with vampires tends to be as enemies in video games to hit with whips (those kinky Belmonts[Don’t kink-shame the thirst-trap.][Do I want to know? Actually, having finally finished Castlevania on Netflix over the last week, I think I do know. Someone's a Trevor fan.]) or cast Fire and Cure spells on in Final Fantasy games, or alternatively, the various vampire courts of Jim Butcher's "Dresden Files" novels and comics. But after some consideration I realized there was a novel I could cover that heavily features vampires (or vampyres in this case), and which I hadn't read in a while. That book is Carpe Jugulum, published in 1998, the 23rd book in Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.
The Discworld. There are few fictional settings I have enjoyed more. I could probably write a long article on this series, what an influence it's provided to my own writing, and how much I love the Disc and all of the wonderful ways Sir Terry explored Humanity through serious silliness and silly seriousness and sometimes just outright seriousness. But I see my editor in the corner there making a scissoring gesture, red pen in hand (Along with the consignment to a gulag.[What, is there a word shortage or something, am I being a wrecker by using too many? :-P] Yes), so I will endeavor to stick to details.
I don't think our illustrious host has covered a Pratchett work yet, so in brief (and admittedly with the help of Wikipedia, my editor is now scowling at me[No, it’s cool.]); Terrance David John Pratchett was born on the 28th of April in 1948 in Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire, England, presumably because Beaconsfield did not want its only mark on the world to be the title of a 19th Century Conservative politician. By his own profession Sir Terry was a "nondescript" student, and became a journalist upon graduation. He was also already writing short stories while an apprentice journalist. His first book, The Carpet People, would be published in 1971, followed by two SF works, The Dark Side of the Sun and Strata. In 1983 he published the first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic (or Color of Magic if one wishes to sparingly use the letter "u" as we Americans try). He devoted himself to writing after finishing the fourth Discworld novel, Mort, and by the 1990s was writing two books a year, becoming one of the best known humorists and fantasy writers in the world. In addition to the Discworld he wrote a number of other series and stand-alone books, such as the Johnny Maxwell trilogy in the 1990s and the novel Nation in 2009. He also co-wrote Good Omens with Neil Gaiman in the early 90s, which recently was adapted into a live action mini-series on Amazon Prime. Discworld has likewise been adapted in numerous ways, with radio dramas, graphic novels, video games, and a few different efforts at television adaptation; two novels were adapted into animated mini-series in the 1990s starring Sir Christopher Lee as the voice of Death, three more live action novel adaptations by Skye in the aughts, and — speaking very loosely — the recent "adaptation" series called "The Watch" on BBC America. On New Year's 2009 he was knighted for services to literature and a year later won the World Fantasy Award for Life Achievement. Sadly he passed away on the 12th of March, 2015, after over seven years of combating Alzheimer's, survived by his wife Lyn and his daughter Rhianna. The world lost a great light on that day, as well as more stories of the Disc, and other worlds, that his imagination and wit would have brought us with time.
Sorry, I've got something in my eye. Give me a second… okay… no, still in my eye… I'm going to need a bit, okay?
Alright.
Carpe Jugulum, as you can imagine given its numbering in the series, came with the Discworld as an established setting as opposed to some of the odd bits from the early books. In fact, it's effectively a final chapter, the fifth and final book to focus on the Witches of Lancre (they would make later appearances as supporting characters in a few other Discworld books, particularly the young adult series about Tiffany Aching). It introduces the Nac Mac Feegle into the Discworld as well (think violent Scottish Smurfs with thick brogues and thicker heads who love fighting, drinking, and stealing "coobeasties" aka cows, a remarkable achievement for six inch high little blue men). We even get to see a phoenix. And, of course, as the title suggests… vampires.
But these aren't your usual vampires. These are vampyres; the re-spelling that Count Magpyr insists upon given his ideas of modernizing the relation between his kind and Humanity, which is to say, formalizing the arrangements by which Humans will let themselves be fed upon by their blood drinking betters in the name of community and harmony (Time to break out the Bolsheviks…). His wife, the Countess, and children, Vlad and Lacrimosa (often shortened to Lacci), have been invited by King Verence of Lancre to the formal ceremony where his two week old daughter will be officially named, a form of christening among a people who take the naming very seriously. Just ask the child's mother, semi-retired witch Queen Magrat Garlick, who would have rather someone corrected her mother's spelling of "Margaret" before her naming.
Unfortunately, King Verence's eagerness to be a forward thinking modern monarch has left his kingdom at the mercy of this forward thinking modern vampyre and his followers, since once you invite a vampire in, it can be impossible to get them to leave. Especially given the whole hypnotize and mentally overpowering humanity part of their skill set (not to mention weather control). Even worse, many of the other classical methods for taking vampires down don't work on these vampyres, as Count Magpyr has been relentlessly training his family and followers to resist everything from lemon to garlic to swiftly displayed religious iconography (complete with flash cards!). They're even handling sunlight rather well these days. So the Witches of Lancre — Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Magrat, and Magrat's successor Agnes Nitt and her caustic alternate personality Perdita X Dream — have their work cut out for them in showing these modern thinkers the door, a task that will lead them to the Magpyrs' domains in Uberwald (Sir Terry's take on Eastern Europe), with a little help from the Nac Mac Feegle, newly-arrived Omnian missionary the Quite Reverend Mightily(-Praiseworthy-Are-Ye-Who-Exalteth-Om) Oats, and Igor, the Magpyrs' "more-gothic-than-thou" servant who believes in the traditional ways of things and is fed up with his masters (or "marthterth" as he would put it, the lisp is part of the tradition after all).
I admit that when I re-read books I tend to focus on the bits I enjoyed the most in my first reads. But fully re-reading Carpe Jugulum reminds me that Sir Terry's style is everywhere in a book, on every page. His use of footnotes for both humor and worldbuilding, his "no chapters" approach, and the way the quirks of the Discworld and its denizens are explored are tried and true. Whether he's continuing the humor of almost all the government jobs of the kingdom belonging to one man (Shawn Ogg, one of Nanny's many sons) or following single-minded falconer Hodgesarrgh's hunt for a phoenix, you'll find yourself cracking a smile. But as always, just because the Discworld is silly and ridiculous doesn't mean it has no dramatic weight, and as always he presents his characters with all their foibles, flaws, and personal touches. Granny Weatherwax in particular gets some stellar bits, as we get frequent glimpses at how she thinks. Her arrogance, her struggles with her own dark side, struggling with having to make the decisions demanded of those who live "on the edge" of life, and her frustrations at dealing with an enemy with mental defenses even she cannot break, it sucks you in, and through it all she remains a force in the story. Agnes' interactions with her split personality Perdita comes off as two sisters who are forced to share the same body despite very different personalities, and she plays a key role through the story after winning the attention of Vlad Magpyr, as she is our viewpoint character for many of the vampyres' arguments and justifications. Nanny is capable of both direct action and subtlety, a matriarch who understands the power of words and little touches, like showing who has favor in the Ogg family by where their images are placed on her tables. One of the moments that shocks the others comes when she even proposes that Agnes could, in fact, answer the attention she's getting from Vlad, seduce him, and try and affect his behavior afterward; a revolting idea, but befitting Nanny's character as practical-minded, not bashful at all about matters of sex (indeed she's often come off as a dirty old woman), and understanding of how relationship dynamics can work (sometimes). Magrat as the retired witch and former maiden of the Lancre Witches balances caring for her newborn child, including some of her and her husband's ideas on baby Esme's development, with her old witch's instincts and continued loyalty to Granny and the others.
Sir Terry even plays with the roles a bit. The earlier Witch novels of the Disc employed the traditional coven of three, with Granny as the Crone, Nanny Ogg as the Mother, and Magrat as the Maiden. Now this dynamic is shaken; Magrat is herself a mother, with Agnes/Perdita ready to take her place, but early matters and the idea of Granny leaving Lancre open the idea of all the roles shifting, with Magrat becoming the Mother and Nanny the Crone, a role that Nanny is not particularly interested in. Indeed, the idea of the three of them having to work together without Granny is part of the middle section of the story.
Mightily Oats gets some good moments as well; he is a young, untried pastor, and he struggles with matters of faith with all sorts of attendant nervousness. He follows a religion that is described as frequently splitting into more and more congregations due to disagreements, which complicates his faith and underscores his wish for knowledge, arguably certainty, such that he is as much a split personality like Agnes/Perdita in this struggle of faith vs. knowledge. But he has his own hidden depths, with an insightfulness that Sir Terry employs to give us differing views on his longer-established characters, especially Granny Weatherwax herself. Oats is a vehicle for Sir Terry to give commentary about religion and sin, including the basis of sin and what religion means to people, and what it could mean. This does tie into the main plot and the antagonists, of course, given their behavior and outlook.
In comparison to Oats, we also get Igor's sullen insistence on tradition as that kind of playful nod to genre conventions that Sir Terry has so often played with. There's a certain joy in the character, so it's no surprise that in following books Sir Terry didn't so much bring the character back but made him part of an entire extended clan of Igors who specialize in henching (and surgery, medicine, and sanitary practices) and behaving in traditional manners. He would likewise feature the Nac Mac Feegle prominently in the later Tiffany Aching books (albeit turning down their accents and slang a bit, for the sake of the young adult audience of those books).
Ah, but it's Fangsgiving, so I'll get back to the vampires. The Magpyrs are an ambitious lot, and with the exception of Countess Magpyr, who mostly just comes off as a stuffy wife and doting mother, they have particular individual tendencies. Lacrimosa is played off as something of a vampyre goth, hanging out with other vampires who like to adopt strange names like Sally and Fred instead of their perfectly good vampire names like Hieroglyphica. They wear plain clothes sometimes too! She also has a teenager's vanity and temper and a cruel, sadistic streak, making her an odd counterpoint to the Perdita personality (and naturally this makes both Agnes and Perdita absolutely detest her). She does not get along with Vlad, a convert to his father's thinking who is out to persuade Agnes/Perdita to become a vampire willingly, because those little people you're so worried about, well, we'll treat them better than other masters, and their kind always have a master anyway. Nor are his arguments so easily dismissed, as he makes cutting points about the practicality of the usual arguments about escaping domination and oppression (I have some ideas about that…)[So I am aware. Your love of guillotines is noted.], albeit still from the perspective of his own selfish interests. Count Magpyr, of course, is the central figure, a "modern" thinker who believes vampires are at risk of becoming outdated and old if they do not reform. He, and his family, protest that they are trying to bring the vampire/human relationship into modern times, to move beyond the old monster vs. mortal dichotomy. They have their own ideas on the best way to do it, which can be described as making their feedings and other displays of superiority a routine, not extraordinary incidents of Humans fighting bloodsucking monsters. Later in the book we get to see how this works, and I'll just say that it involves lotteries, queues, and "rites of passage" for children of a certain age (Or, you know, we can get rid of the parasites? In the manner of Buffy the Anarcho-syndicalist Vampire Slayer. Or maybe they can try not being parasites.)[Read on…].
As an aside, since this is Fangsgiving, Sir Terry would later show more vampires taking a similar attitude of having to reform, though in the direction of co-existence with Humanity requiring forswearing the whole bloodsucking thing (Good! They can live when the revolution comes.). We'll get vampires aligned with the actual protagonists, portrayed as essentially being alcoholics pledged to temperance who are constantly surrounding themselves with alcohol, and developing all the little tics you might expect for such people. With Sir Terry, even the inhuman undead are, in fact, quite Human.
Since my editor's giving a pointed look at the word count, let's bring this to a conclusion. I know it is customary for Garvin to assign a grade to a book, but I can't bring myself to do so. True, there are some Discworld books I prefer over others, but they're all equally good in their own way. They're all stories about stories; how they shape us, how they inform our world and the way we think on it and everything around us. That includes our stories about vampires and monsters, with Sir Terry having his usual fun with the associated tropes about these mythical bloodsuckers, the purpose of monsters in stories, and through their behavior, ideas of what good and evil and sin really are. And like with every other Discworld book, Carpe Jugulum has the usual observations and fun about the foibles of life and Humanity. It is a treasure that gives us a fond farewell to the Witches of Lancre and I greatly enjoyed reading it once again.
Have a Happy Halloween, everyone!
Red text as always is our editor Dr Ben Allen
Black text is our valient guest reviewer Gary Stevens, independent author, friend of the review and one of our ever wise patrons.
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